Double Meaning SMS -- Part 1

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Master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh ladkiyan zor se hasne lagi.

Masterji bole zyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar dunga.

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BHAGWAN ko GUSSA kab aata hai

?

?

Jab koi KUWARI Ladki PREGNENT ho jati hai

Aur uski Maa bolti hai . . . . .

HeY BhaGWaaN

Yeh Tune Kya kiya

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Mom::
Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat aage chalaye.

Girl::
Ladka to theek he but mota he.

Mom::
Tv chahe 14" ho ya 29" ka RIMOT "6" KA HI HOTA HAI.

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HE: Gaya

SHE: Ha

HE: Kesa laga

SHE: Acha laga

HE: Phir se dalu

SHE: Ha

HE: Kesa laga

SHE: Acha laga

HE: Aghar madam yeh wali Sandel achi hai to dedu

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GIRL-Arey Itna bada!
Muh mein kaise lungi?

BOY- Jaldi muh me lo.
GIRL- Oho sare kapde gile ho gaye.
BOY- Aur logi?
GIRL- Na baba Ye golgappe tum hi khaaoo!

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Ladki aur Chai me hamesha 6 Qualities dekho
1. Garam ho
2. Tez ho
3. Meethi ho
4. Doodh zyada ho
5. DO MINUTE ME TAIYAR HO
6. RAT ME SONE NA DETI HO

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SANTA>
Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyu pada?

BANTA>
Pata nahi yaar.
Meri photo neeche gir gayee thi.

Maine kaha>
Behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai

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Pehle haath me lo.
Fir sidha karo.
Fir muh me dalo.
Fir thuk lagao.
Fir andar ghusao.
Kitna mushqil Hota hai
sui me dhaga dalna

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Girl 2 her boss I'm being sexuly harased
B: How
G: this guy comes in evry mornin n says ur hair smells gr8
B:so whats d prblm in this
G: he's only 3ft tall

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"Quotes Book" - The Holy Grail of Teachers Bloopers

1) Dont go so faster!!

2) Was the mediterranean ocean flowing in between?

3) You remove your shoe and come to my shoe!!

4) Am i speaking legibly?

5) Are u duff (are u DEAF)??

6) I will go from WORSE to BAD!!!

7) "If u dont confess immediately,i'll suspend u permanently.....for a week"

8) Y are u late 2 class...??say yes or no...

9) Speed of motor is 20 minutes per second..

10) I'll make u stand under the sun day n nite...

11) I hav 2daughters,both r girls...

12) Class quiet,i wanna hear silence...!!

13) Y are u afraiding 2come here...

14) I call one come, u come two come, how come???????

15) Durin the class, some monkeys were in the trees outside the window,

and everyone was lookin at them...so the lecturer said

"why are you lookin at the monkeys outside when im here"!!!

16) There are 3 important things that are important

17) The hills and mountains are exists from "time IMMORAL"!!!!!!

18) Every and each-body stand up ....

19) New classic - "I told you so many times that i wont repeat"

20) Rewrite it again

21) When u come, come with ur papers as u come

22) Please keep quiet...the principal just passed away in the corridor

23) I have no time to call all your names 4 d attendance.....so all the absentees please stand up

24) Why are u playing games??Is it???

Leave Applications

· Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

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· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

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· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

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· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

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· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

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· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Subject : Sardar

Once upon a time, a sardar applied to a medical school -

needless to henever made it- you know why????

These are the
answers he gave.

Antibody -against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria


Benign - what you be after you be eight

Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u

Caesarian Section - a district in Rome

Cardiology -advanced study of Poker playing

Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma -punctuation mark

Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

False Labor - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile

Impotent -distinguished / well-known

Labor Pain -hurt at work

Lactose - people without toes

Lymph - walk unsteadily

Microbes - small dressing gowns

Obesity - City of Obe

Pacemaker -winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein - in favor of teens

Pulse - grain

Pus - small cat

Red Blood Count - Dracula

Rupture -Ecstasy

Secretion -hiding anything

Subcutaneous -not cute enough

Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"

Tablet - small table

Tumor - extra pair

Ultrasound -radical noise

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

Vas Deferens -extremely different

Vein - at what time?

Vitreous Humor - both witty & funny

New Rules in ICC [ E-X-C-L-U-S-I-V-E ]

New Rules in ICC [ E-X-C-L-U-S-I-V-E ]


(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .



(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.



(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.



(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.



(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.

6) MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.

(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.



(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET" more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.



These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA .